An Open Letter To Patti LaBelle

Issues, Random McCoy 0 411

 

Patti…

Girl.

GURLA!

Today, you said you sold these custard pies yourself.

You’s a lie.

That fluffy young man made your pie famous. How can you act as if this was not because of him? Sara Lee has been delighting our holiday tables for decades, but then you came along with this machine made ashy pie.

You don’t owe James Wright Chanel any money, but you do owe him your praise, and honestly a free chicken plate for the rest of his life.

When I was a broke college student, I would go to Wal-Mart and buy a  punkin’ pie. They were 50 cents. They would sit there for weeks until I bought them. I believe that your pie is cut from the same cloth. Your pie is made in bulk and sold for less than a Tuesday special at Church’s.

Purchasing a pie from Wal-Mart that’s sold in bulk is the quality of a McDonald’s hamburger at 2AM. This is not grandma’s cooking Patti. We support you Patti…but…You are not B. Smith, Patti. You are not Martha Stewart, Patti. You are not Betty Crocker, Patti.

Yes, I would love for you to cook a plate of fried chicken and greens for me (eventhough you’re diabetic and I’m afraid you may not cook with butter or salt).

Patti, all this young man needs is credit for pushing your success forward.

No. You did not do this on your own, Patti.

Sincerely,

Mad at Patti

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B. McCoy

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