We’ve all been through this, you meet a guy or a girl, then all of a sudden they disappear. You discuss life, maybe date a few times, become sexual or text everyday…then they stop responding leaving you listening to the Waiting to Exhale Soundtrack, in bed eating Pringles for a week. This is called ghosting, something that millennials have become accustomed to with the rise of social media and the need for instant gratification. After a few decades on earth, I’ve identified a few reasons why I have ghosted and why others have. Brace yourself for the truth.
1. There’s someone else
This is the top reason why people ghost. Your temporary boo/bae was probably texting or dating someone while talking to you. Your prospective boo may also be in a relationship and you were just a rebound. This ashy muppet used you as their comfort blanket. Once their boo/bae allowed them to come back, you were dropped. They weighed both of you on their internal boo/bae/hoe scale and decided that you did not make the cut. It’s okay though. Why would you want someone that does not want you or is committed to someone else? Just like my grandma used to say, You don’t need a piece-a man or woman.
2. Your hygiene is questionable
Your coochie, peen, breath, under arms or feet stink or your nails look like you’ve been working for the man night and day. This is why you didn’t get the text or call back. Most people are not comfortable confronting others about this so they bounce and leave you alone to discover scented assortments of oils and powders.
3. Your grooming is questionable
Men, not getting a haircut is a turnoff because your boo will see your Instagram photos during your pseudo international vacation in Puerto Rico and see what you could be, then scroll and see that their crush gets a cut every Friday at 6:45pm. Women, not at least spraying some oil sheen or massaging Miss Jessie’s in your head like a Thanksgiving turkey will make your boo/bae wonder if you care about life. This seems superficial, but how can you tell someone you can’t talk to them anymore because they need to clean up their cuckabugs?
4. Your sex is wack
Just like with hygiene, some people are not comfortable with telling you that you hunch like a rabbit in heat on Red Bull.
5. They dated, had sex with or interested in your friend(s)
Instead of continuing to have feelings for you, this ash faced monkey cut you off. It may have been safer to do this instead of having a confrontation with you because you’ll want to know who they are interested in or had sex with. It’ll be awkward and they don’t really owe you an explanation so they invest that time in finding someone to replace you (or continue having sex with your friend).
6. You dated, had sex with or are interested in their friend(s)
This is heartbreaking for some. Imagine getting involved with someone, then discovering that your best friend has done the same things with your boo that you have (including taking them to their favorite restaurant and licking chocolate syrup off their fingers). It doesn’t bother everyone, but many people are immediately turned off because of this. The fact that you even fell for their fuckboy/girl friend’s game if also a major turnoff.
7. You require too much attention
You come to the first date with a list of demands and wish list that only fits the imaginary version of Michael B. Jordan, Will Smith, Gabrielle Union and Issa on her best days around kids. This overloads the person that’s just scoping prospects, so they bounce. Take it easy.
8. They used you to help their self esteem
This is insane, but we’ve all met people that do this. The fact that they could get you enhanced their self esteem. You were another apple in the barrel. Once they got you, you were no longer needed. The movie nights, long conversations and weekends on the couch watching Martin reruns meant nothing. They used you, then moved to their next victim.
9. They have an STD. You gave them an STD.
People really feel awkward confronting boo/baes that give them an STD. This is probably because they have multiple sexual partners and don’t really feel comfortable confronting you, because they could be wrong, but still believe that you are the burning Belinda. Also, disclosing certain things may be hard from some if they grow close to a person, because they know that it won’t work out because of your bias.
10. You are a fcukboy/girl
You are pretty horrible. You know you’re horrible but thought this person could change you. They found out through the street committee that you are an asshole, have many sex partners that never got a call back, are arrogant and treat restaurant staff like dogs. Change your life…you black betty faced bitch.
11. They are a fcukboy/girl
They are horrible. They tried to really see how far you would go. You either gave them what they wanted or didn’t fall for it, so you didn’t get the call back.
12. You are just not their type
How many nice people have you entertained hoping that the dating relationship would become a friendship, but you didn’t want that neither? Well, it may be hard to break things off and say, “I don’t want to be your lover or friend” so you get cut off.
Overall, count it as a blessing that people who may not be the best thing for you distance themselves from you. It is also best to poll yourself and ask “why?” If you fit one of these points, it’s likely the reason why that person you like didn’t call or text you back.